Hello, Everything

2008-12-21T17:08:00.002-05:00

Starting in 2009 I'll be posting again.

Don't worry.

**Edited November 2009**

Whoops; falling behind a little.

2008-12-01T21:47:00.004-05:00

(some pages from my old high-school diary when I was experimenting with water-colors)

Just like I found it was hard to believe that it was November, I find it hard to believe that the semester is so quickly coming to an end. Excuse the cliche, but it really does seem like yesterday that I was crapping myself over starting college. I am really looking forward to my next semester's classes: Painting I, 3D Design, Life Drawing/Anatomy, Guitar...and yeah, I guess Western Heritage I and Intro to Philosophy. Despite the fact that I really think I'll wind up disliking the history class AND the philosophy class, it's important to take stuff like that whether we like it or not. I think it's really annoying to listen to people spout opinions not backed up by facts or examples, so stuff like theology and history classes are definitely a big plus.

Thus far, I am very pleased with the the way I have adjusted to college-life. I find myself to be much more responsible, able to manage my (now precious) time much better, and to know when to take care of myself when I feel like I can't go anymore. Don't take that the wrong way, though. I am in no rush at all to "grow up", because as far as I am concerned, I will forever remain an idealistic, slightly rebellious and stupid twenty-something for the rest of my life.

And I am looking forward to it.

2008-11-29T23:49:00.004-05:00

The above photo is something I came up with (and executed) in my senior year of high school. My favorite art teacher told me she had some kitchen chairs she was bored of, and asked me to do something with one of them. For some reason, the idea on the left side of the picture automatically popped into my mind, and I asked, "Do you have to be able to use the chair when I'm done?" She (almost grudgingly) said no.

The sketch I drew on a mental health day I took off of school after my teacher had given me the okay to do the chair, and I think it's really cool to see how it went from a drawing from a life-sized sculpture of an octopus. Of course, the photograph isn't the completed piece (and many changes were made since the photo was taken). Unfortunately, I can't find any pictures on my mac of it, but I'm sure my parents have pictures. I won Vernon Art Show's Best-In-Show with it, and I got a $12,000 scholarship to MICA (an art school in Maryland). I obviously didn't go to MICA, but only because they didn't have Art Therapy as an option.

I really, really, REALLY love making big things, things that don't make sense, things that don't matter when they're finished, things that no one really needs but likes to look at, things that are more personally appreciated than publicly appreciated. I almost miss working on this thing, but at the same time, I don't. It was a huge pain in the ass, but honestly, I loved doing it, and I loved seeing the looks on peoples' faces when they wondered why the hell anyone would waste their time sculpting an octopus onto a wooden kitchen chair. But to me, it wasn't a waste of time.

My life is one big octopus on a kitchen chair.

2008-11-28T10:44:00.006-05:00

[oh high school art classes, how I miss your simplicity]

Yesterday was Thanksgiving! Hopefully everyone had a good one, spending time with family and friends and all of that good stuff. Since my family is small (I only have two first-cousins on my mother's side, and my father's side has mostly moved to North Carolina), we see each other quite often. My younger cousin, Erika, is thirteen, and it is SO funny to watch her grow up.

At the dinner table yesterday I noticed she wasn't really eating much, and she would glance over at the turkey and cringe a bit. I asked her why she wasn't eating anything but mashed potatoes (she's picky), and she replied, "You guys are eating a poor, dead turkey!" I just set my fork down and laughed so hard, because God, that's exactly how I was when I was her age. The rest of my family just looked at me and shook their heads because I was WAYY more outspoken than that, and my brother even leaned over and whispered, "Nice job influencing her, dumbass." I used to be a really strict vegetarian from about age 14-16, but then I got sick because the only thing I ate was basically peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Delicious, but stupid.

I'm not sure if I think it's "cute" that she's going through the same thing I was, but I'm not so sure she really knows what she's talking about (totally understandable, though, she's still young). We were talking, and she just thinks it's sad that the turkey was killed so we could eat it. I just think this came about because she wasn't used to seeing the entire animal laid out on the table, but rather sees the end-product when her mother puts out supper at home. That being said, I don't think she'll go any further than just saying she thinks the killing of turkeys/animls is sad. Yeah, it is sad, but have you ever eaten an animal that wasn't killed first?

2008-11-26T08:23:00.006-05:00

It has recently come to my attention that I would really like to talk about a few things some fellow classmates have blogged about: the subject of women and their place in society/the attitudes women have because of society. Obviously they haven't titled their blog posts like that, but that is, in essence, what they have blogged about by focusing in on (sorry guys, I have to point these out) the "security" of wearing makeup, and the "security" of having a man (boyfriend/husband/whatever).

By now I'm pretty sure that the majority of my Writing Power class thinks I am some crazy liberal lesbian who has no problem living out of dumpsters and is patiently awaiting the destruction of corporate America. Even though there isn't a problem with being ANY of those things, before I move on I'd like to say that no, I am not a crazy liberal, a lesbian, nor do I currently hate the state of the world enough to want the destruction of one of it's main pillars. I just really, REALLY believe there is more to life than just going through the motions.

The post in A Girls 12 Best Friends I have pointed out really struck a nerve with me. She clearly brings up a massive issue with society today, and goddamn, I am going to address it, and then beat it with a stick until it's writhing on the floor. She says in her first sentence that, "I think I would rather commit suicide than leave my house without first applying the daily dose of makeup". Wow. There are two interesting things here: that she relates leaving the house without makeup to killing oneself (social suicide maybe?), and she uses the word "dose" when she refers to makeup, like the makeup is some kind of cure for something. There is obviously a problem with the Western world and the mental health of it's women, and things like makeup only add to the problem. Why is it that so many women feel that they are not good enough to walk out into the world without plastering their faces with chemicals and pigments? Yeah, I could totally blame this entire problem on corporate America and the makeup companies, but now that I think about it more, that is really just a scapegoat. Having something/someone else to blame is only making you comfortable with being the victim, and that is what the author of the post is saying: "I am okay with being a victim because it was high school/the pretty girls that made me so insecure." Yeah, maybe those things helped make you feel the way you do, but after a while it falls into your lap and you can decide to take control of the situation, it's just that you chose not to. In this situation, taking the easy way out is to obsessively apply the makeup and rather die without it. In this situation, taking the easy way out is to blame a faceless "them" for your problems. In this situation, taking the easy way out is remaining the victim when you can do so much better.

I'm not really sure I can go as in-depth with the second blog because I am having kind of a hard time understanding it thoroughly, but the same issues pop up: victimization and insecurity. Why is is that "every girl" HAS to have a man to feel protected? I, for one, know that I do not need a man (or another person regardless of gender) to feel protected because I know I can protect myself. She says, "someone who can defend her at any cost is something that only a guy can offer". Excuse my language, but that is bullshit. That is the exact same attitude that has no problem with being the victim because "oh goodness, but the men are supposed to protect me from all the bad things!" It enrages me that women don't take the time to educate and empower themselves against the things that turn us into victims, including their own minds. Learn how to protect yourself. Learn what makes you feel good about yourself. Learn what you can do to stop hating yourself. Learn to stop being a victim to the things that suck you in without you realizing it. The only one that cares about you and can protect you is yourself. No one else is going to be stuck with you for the rest of forever.

There are so many other things I want to say, but I don't think I can without making it seem like I'm vomiting words all over blogspot. Now I'm going to toss this into the court of my Writing Power classmates, and anyone else who stumbles upon this and has an opinion.

Don't punk out on this, guys; I really want to know what you think about this entire situation.

**Amanda & Katie, I have nothing against you guys. I really just had to get this off my chest. High-five for making thought-provoking blog posts without even realizing it!

2008-11-23T20:12:00.004-05:00

Quickly I should mention that I did not take this particular photo; my good friend Adam took it this past July when he lived in Alaska for a month to celebrate his 25th birthday. Meeting Adam was complete chance, but I am very happy to have met him - I think it's super important for people to have at least one friend who always encourages you to do what you really dream of doing even if they are in a position where they currently cannot.

Ever since I was very young, my parents and I have traveled to England because I have family there. My mother was actually born there, and is still a citizen of the United Kingdom. Despite the 6-7 hour plane flight, I always loved going to England because, of course, I love my family, but also because it was something different from home (New Jersey). I really do believe that traveling at a young age has incubated this massive travel-lust that I have slowly begun to discover over the past couple of years. My English family has been to nearly every continent (other than Antarctica) over nine times each, and has been to more countries than I can name off the top of my head. If you can think of it, they've been there. Presently, my aunt and uncle are on a five-week vacation to New Zealand, and I am so overwhelmingly jealous.

My obsession with experiencing everything I possibly can finally forced me to actually start making things happen. I put $400 a month into my savings account because, after I get my PhD for Art Therapy, I am dead-set on leaving this life for a little while. My family and whatever friends I have during that time will have to understand and accept it, because honestly, I am doing it for my own sanity. Staying in one place for too long really has to have a negative impact on your development, no matter how old you are. I refuse to make a planned-out itinerary because that is a recipe for disaster; wherever I wind up is where I will be until I feel like I can move on.

I do, however, want to hit these places on my trek (in no particular order): Colorado, Alaska, Ireland (again), France (again), Italy (again), Iceland, Spain, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, India, Greece, Japan, New Zealand, and whatever else may strike my fancy. It's a massive undertaking, I know, but if I didn't have something to work towards my life would be absolutely miserable.

Maybe I am being to idealistic and/or intense, but I have promised myself that, before I die, I WILL go to all of these places. The world is way too beautiful to be stuck in one place for 80 years.

2008-11-17T21:32:00.004-05:00

So I am convinced that life is made up of an infinite amount of awkward moments that never stop, but only lull until another one smacks you in the face. Don't get me wrong, I love it when unexpected (and oftentimes stupid) things happen because they are awesome, and life would be incredibly boring without them, but really, some of them are so unnecessary.

In Drawing class for the past two weeks we've had a live nude model, and unfortunately today was the last day we'll be having a nude model. I am totally fine with that, because the human body is awesome and I am really interested in studying it. I think it's awesome that this 50+ year old guy can just walk into a class full of kids no older than 20 and just take his clothes off and hold uncomfortable poses for twenty minutes at a time. What I do not find awesome, however, is eye contact between me and a naked man that I don't really want to see naked. Ever.

I was sitting down on a special little easel, looking up at this guy and attempting to do the above posted drawing (which I admit must looks like total crap the more I look at it). He is just sitting on a stool, chilling with his leg up in front of his TOTALLY naked body, his man-parts just hanging out (pun intended) and there. All of a sudden, I look up from his torso and at his face (for some unholy reason), and I notice that he is looking DIRECTLY at me. Shocked, I just stared back for about five seconds before I felt my face turning bright red. Since everyone knows how that looks, I will let you picture that in your mind for a moment: me, sitting there with a bright red face, staring into the eyes of a naked stranger, and him staring back.

Needless to say, next semester I will be taking an Anatomy/Life Drawing class, which means naked people every week. I need to remind myself to keep my eyes below the clavicle .

Life is beautifully awkward.

2008-11-11T18:37:00.004-05:00

So does anyone else find it really odd that it's already the middle of November? December is just around the corner, but that also means that there are hardly any leaves on the trees, and that it's getting unbearably cold. I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but the sun is setting at ~4:50PM everyday now. Thanks a bunch, Daylight Saving Time!

I have to admit, though, I can't really bash DST too much because I don't know a lot about it...but I will anyway. According to the always trustworthy wikipedia, there is an economic advantage to DST. Awesome! Let's lessen the amount of sunlight I get so that I can get even more depressed, so then I can go and buy a lot of things! Thank you so much, government; I really appreciate every single effort you put forth to spend my money.

Whatever, though. As far as I'm concerned, DST is another silly little thing that makes the world go 'round. What's something you think is unnecessary, but EVERYONE goes through with just because?